Parsha

Mazal Tov to R' Gil Segre for his birthday.

Refuah Sheimah: Stephen Waczkiewicz (Shimon ben Sarah), Yossefa (Josie) "bat Sharon", Rafael ben Gladis e Esther Bracha "bat Sarah".

Continue praying for: Teddy Welz, Miriam (Mariana) "bat Zulay", Adina (Heidi) "bat Sarah" e Yosefa (Josie) "bat Sharon".

Chayei Sarah

Genesis 23:1 - 25:18

Sarah dies at the age of 127. Avraham purchases a burial place for her in Hebron in the cave of Ma'arat HaMachpela. Avraham sends his servant, Eliezer, back to the "old country," his birthplace Charan, to find a wife for Yitzhak (Isaac). Eliezer makes what appear to be very strange conditions for the matrimonial candidate to fulfill in order to qualify for Yitzhak. Rivka (Rebecca) unknowingly meets the conditions. Eliezer succeeds in getting familial approval, though they were not too keen about Rivka leaving her native land.

Avraham marries Keturah and fathers six more sons. He sends them east (with the secrets of mysticism) before he dies at 175. Yitzhak and Ishmael bury Avraham near Sarah in the Ma'arat HaMachpela, the cave Avraham purchased in Hebron to bury Sarah. The portion ends with the listing of Ishmael's 12 sons and Ishmael dying at age 137.

* * *

The Torah states:

"He (Isaac) married Rebecca, she became his wife, and he loved her (Gen. 24:67).

Why does the Torah relate that first she became his wife and then tell us that he loved her?

What often passes for "love" in western civilization is either blind passion, infatuation, or at best, self-love. Neither of these are a basis for an enduring relationship. Passion dissipates fairly soon and self-love may be rather easily frustrated. There is no wonder that the divorce rate is 40% or higher!

The dynamics of a couple "falling in love" is like this: The man sees in this woman a person who he feels can satisfy his emotional needs, and she sees in this man someone who can satisfy her emotional needs. This would seem to be the ideal basis for a lasting relationship, but note -- the man is motivated primarily by his personal interests, and the woman is motivated primarily by her personal interests.

Although, they profess love for each other, the reality is that they each love themselves, and the other is but someone whom they expect will please them. Should anything occur -- the other partner is not pleasing them as they had expected, or if they meet someone who they think can better please them -- the relationship is at risk of falling apart.

In a traditional Jewish marriage, the basis for marriage was the responsibility to establish a family to whom the couple could transmit our heritage. Certainly, the relationship was to provide satisfaction for both partners. However, if the level of satisfaction was not what each might have wished, the basis of the relationship was not weakened, and agreement could more easily be reached. There was a common goal and purpose to the marriage rather that self-seeking interests. This enables the development of a more mature love.

That is why the Torah tells us this order. The love develops after she became his wife. Two people dedicated to a goal, to each other, to the marriage will focus on the good in each other and experience love.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearances, giftedness or skill. The remarkable thing is that we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past ... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing
we can do is play out the one string we have and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

Shabbat Shalom.

Rabbi Tank

Online Learning

You can choose to learn in English, French, Spanish or Portuguese.

WhatsApp +1 (917) 834-4770 for more information. 

Rabbi Tank is a professor at the American Jewish College, where he teaches classes on Talmud, Jewish History, and Contemporary Jewish Law. Rabbi Tank is dedicated to finding modern utility and meaning in ancient wisdom texts and is pleased to provide spiritual, cultural, social and educational programming to communities around the world. 

Rabbi Tank was educated at Chabad Yeshivas in New York and Miami. He studied Biblical Archeology at Bar Ilan University and Jewish Studies at Harvard University. Rabbi Tank has a Bachelor degree in Business Administration and he is also graduated in International Economic Development from the University of Oxford. 

Rabbi Tank is a Jewish Chaplain actively involved in peace negotiations and relief operations. Rabbi Tank is the director of international affairs at the World Jewish Confederation headquarters in New York and He is member of the White House National Religious Leaders , an Executive Office of the President of the United States in Washington, D.C.

Question ? 

Ask Rabbi Tank _